Sadly, many survivors of abuse, assault, or trauma experience the second wound when disclosing their experiences to another person. This can look like minimization, shaming, disbelief, victim-blaming, silencing, ostracism, or a combination of all of these.

This is a serious form of re-victimization and also a trauma in itself. Naturally, survivors can feel confused, angry, and hurt by such reactions. Understanding how the second wound affects survivors is the first step towards healing. This experience is not uncommon, and it can help to read accounts from fellow survivors, as well as to educate yourself about abuse, hurtful reactions, and dysfunctional behaviors.

Experiencing the second wound is too difficult to do alone. It’s important to find an understanding and trustworthy therapist who can remind you of your value, help you find your voice, provide a clear perspective in the face of confusing messages from your family members and others, and work to protect you from emotional harm.

Therapeutic support groups can also be high beneficial, offering a different kind of help than one-on-one treatment. They don’t have to be particular to abuse and assault survivors, and can introduce you to other people experiencing hardships.

Bodywork, like yoga or acupuncture, can also be helpful in relieving stress and dealing with trauma. Physical movement like somatic experiencing, dance, and art therapy can help to release emotions stored in the body.

Finally, the value of supportive partners, caring friends, and, in some cases, supportive family members, is enormously valuable as survivors work to heal and cope with the second wound.

It’s okay to keep your distance from toxic people. Staying away from dysfunctional relationships can be a healthy choice and an important step in the healing process. Some survivors choose to go “no contact” when they realize that another person’s attitudes and behaviors are too harmful to keep them in their lives.

It may also be necessary to protect your children or other vulnerable people safe from their influence and behavior. Sometimes a temporary break can be enough, but for others, the only healthy option is to set and keep permanent boundaries.

The key is to make the choice that feels right for you, regardless of any judgment that comes your way.