Stop Asking Sexual Crime Victims to Explain Their Behaviors: and Start Asking Perpetrators Instead

Rowena Chiu gets asked the question by journalists regularly. “Why did you agree to meet with Harvey Weinstein in his hotel room?” The answer, to anyone who knows the context, is obvious. Rowena was a 24-year-old assistant and her boss was one of the most powerful producers in Hollywood. She was on assignment with him at the Venice Film Festival and hotel room meetings were part of her job. Weinstein was notoriously hard to please and likely to fire employees on a whim in order to underscore his power. And yet, the question from journalists indicates that it is somehow Rowena’s responsibility to explain why she was not consenting to sex when she complied with a commonplace request from her older, married boss. The irony was not lost on Rowena when the press asked her the question even while interviewing her in —you guessed it—a hotel room.

Questions like these, which are posed to sexual assault and abuse survivors as a matter of routine, are not only victim-blaming and insulting, they are not excusable anymore. Not just because they overlook prominent elements of the story as in Rowena’s case, but also because journalists should know better.

Rowena told us about reporters who voiced their intention to conduct ‘survivor-centric’ interviews that did not, in fact, feel survivor-centric to her. In fairness, she says “I think that journalists sometimes, in an effort to, I suppose, relate to the listener or relate to the reader and put themselves in their shoes, will ask you to…justify what you were doing.”

The problem is, journalists (and law enforcement, the courts, and the general public) have had ample opportunity to better understand how sexual victimization works. This includes common, well-studied responses to trauma. And yet, it’s still standard for survivors to be treated as suspects themselves in press interviews, in courtrooms, and by people in their private lives. A victim’s credibility is not assumed, far from it. This, even though the incidence of false reporting of sexual crimes is extremely low, a basic fact that all journalists should know.

“Why were you out so late? Why didn’t you fight, run, or scream? Why didn’t you report right away? Why are you smearing the name of such a beloved man? Why did you email him, have lunch with him, work with him, act politely toward him, Why? Why? Why?”

Because we have a right to socialize at night. Because when humans are attacked, our brains and bodies respond reflexively and we switch into survival mode, manifesting in responses from dissociation to self-protective acquiescence and more. Because we know that victims of sexual crimes, especially women, are almost always doubted, retraumatized, or revictimized in some way. Because it’s common to minimize and deny our own sexual violation, at least at first. Because we don’t want our livelihood or social support network taken away from us too, often at a time when we need it most.

This is all highly accessible, well-understood, and thoroughly researched information. And yet, with some notable exceptions (Rich McHugh, Nicki Weisensee Egan, Megan Twohey, Ronan Farrow, Jodi Kantor, and others), journalists regularly pose victim-blaming questions to sexual assault and abuse survivors. They put the burden of proof on the victim which is not only unfair but also deeply hurtful and traumatizing. This also discourages survivors from coming forward, which can have disastrous consequences for both the individual and society as a whole. It takes a huge amount of courage for survivors to come forward publicly, in a court of law, or to anyone at all. Partly because these retraumatizing responses are completely predictable.

They shouldn’t be. So let’s talk about turning the tables. Survivors have every right to point out the ignorance of these questions when confronted with them if they choose. A survivor might respond in any of the following ways, for example. “Why are you questioning the natural and normal responses of someone who has been violated and traumatized? Based on all the information that’s available, why don’t you know more about this issue? Do you understand dissociation? Do you know how grooming works? Why would you doubt a survivor’s credibility when the incidence of false accusations is so low? Are you unaware that serial offenders frequently appear to the public as sensitive, generous, lovable people? Have you done your homework?”

And while we’re at it, let’s see the press start regularly grilling reported perpetrators, putting them in the hot seat for a change. “How do you explain your aggressive behavior? Why did you follow her home that night? What made it okay to violate the rules of your workplace? What gave you the right to touch him? Aren’t you aware that an intoxicated person cannot consent? Why did you get them in your room under false pretenses? Why did you violate their trust? Why did you commit rape? Why don’t you seem to care that you hurt her?”

It’s telling that we rarely see this type of questioning.

Rowena Chiu summed it up well during our recent podcast interview when she described the victim-blaming questions she regularly receives, “Clearly the aggressor has no agency whatsoever. That’s barely mentioned. It’s kind of staggering, how the imbalance is so much on the survivor.”

Staggering is right. Victims deserve the benefit of the doubt far more than reported offenders. That is a fact backed by research. Facts and research are a journalist’s wheelhouse, so there are no excuses. It’s time for the press, and society as a whole, to stop perpetuating this harmful and ignorant approach toward survivors and start making offenders and victim-blaming journalists answer for their behaviors instead.

Read more

A Troubled History

Raising a teenager is hard. Being a teen is even harder. Many, if not most, kids at some point in their teenage years will struggle emotionally, act out unpleasantly, and experiment with risk-taking. Most of these behaviors are developmentally normal, part of the transition into independence and adulthood. Others are indications that the teen is struggling with deeper challenges and they need extra support. But parents often discover they are the last person their teenager wants to confide in or listen to for guidance or advice.  

Into this unsettling mix comes the ‘Troubled Teen’ industry offering hope and help to desperate, scared, and frustrated parents. Alarmingly, this vast network of residential facilities does NOT help families in need. Despite what they tell parents with their sophisticated sales pitches, they are not therapeutic. They’re not even safe. Using behavior modification and abusive practices, they break children down until they have no choice but to comply. They traumatize kids under the guise of saving them. 

These programs need to be stopped and the public needs to know the truth. You can help by getting the facts, warning your friends, and speaking up. Please read the words of guest bloggers Chelsea Maldonado and Amanda Simmons who are experts on the ‘Troubled Teen’ industry. I am immensely grateful to Chelsea and Amanda for sharing their story with me and Kathryn Robb on the Truth and Consequences podcast. They are survivors in every sense of the word. -Miranda 

A Troubled History

Chelsea Maldonado & Amanda Simmons

The Troubled Teen Industry (“TTI”) is a catch-all term loosely applied to privately-owned residential facilities for youth located throughout the United States and abroad. These programs have operated for over 50 years and include a broad range of institutions including therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness therapy programs, faith-based academies and residential treatment centers.

Because facilities within the Troubled Teen Industry do not operate as traditional schools, detention centers, group homes, or psychiatric hospitals, they are regulated through a patchwork of State laws and have few, if any, data-sharing obligations. While this makes the full scope of the industry difficult to quantify, the American Bar Association estimates that the TTI is a multi-billion dollar industry with the capacity to serve hundreds of thousands of youth annually.

The first TTI programs began operating in the 1960s, pulling many of their founding members and methods from the controversial anti-drug cult Synanon. These early programs purported to cure addiction and modify behaviors by housing children in highly restrictive environments and subjecting them to various forms of large-group awareness training, attack therapy, and experimental psychology.

By the early 1970s, the tactics used within Troubled Teen Programs began to garner the attention of the Federal Government. Testimony given to the Senate in 1974 described the methods used at one TTI program, The Seed, as extremely coercive and “similar to the highly refined brainwashing techniques employed by the North Koreans.” Though concerned by the potential harm these tactics could cause when applied to vulnerable children, the government did nothing to stop their proliferation. 

Many of Amanda’s experiences at John Dewey Academy in the 1990s mirror those used at The Seed. Like The Seed, John Dewey Academy was an early offshoot of Synanon and widely regarded as a thought leader. While attending John Dewey Academy, Amanda was subjected to highly confrontational attack groups that felt like psychological torture and spent weeks in isolation, both methods reported on extensively in the 1974 testimony given on The Seed.

In 1979, the Senate received detailed testimony on Provo Canyon School, a Troubled Teen Industry institution still in operation today. Investigators reported that Provo Canyon School was using militaristic orientation methods that would “scare any adult” and criticized its use of hired services to involuntarily transport youth to the facility in the middle of the night. Again, the government took no action to curb these practices. Decades later, entrepreneur and activist Paris Hilton testified that she was traumatized by Provo Canyon School’s use of involuntary transport and brutal treatment.

Just as John Dewey Academy modeled itself after Synanon and The Seed, other programs began to model themselves after Provo Canyon School. Tranquility Bay, the facility Chelsea attended in the early 2000s, was operated by former Provo Canyon School employees and utilized many of the same behavior modification tactics. While attending Tranquility Bay, Chelsea experienced attack therapy and large group awareness training. She witnessed the use of brutal restraints and isolation. The same tactics discussed in the 1970s were still occurring in the 2000s.  

In 2007, the Government Accountability Office released a damning report entitled  “Concerns Regarding Abuse and Death in Certain Programs for Troubled Youth,” which investigated thousands of claims of abuse and death in private residential facilities for youth. The report appropriately concluded that in many of the cases where youth had died, ineffective management played a significant role. The GAO released similar reports in 2008 and 2009. Despite these reports, the Stop Child Abuse in Residential Treatment Centers for Teens Act, legislation first introduced by Congressman George Miller and later championed by Representative Adam Schiff, failed to pass multiple times.

Chelsea and Amanda’s experiences in the Troubled Teen Industry are far from unique. Strip searches and sexual abuse are a regular occurrence, with some survivors, including Paris Hilton, reporting additional violations like forced pap smears and gynecological exams.

As we embark on another Senate investigation into the Troubled Teen Industry, we must ensure that we finally take action. We can start by adopting the practices recommended by the GAO in their 2022 report and continue by supporting the soon-to-be introduced Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act.

The government knows — and has known — about the abuse occurring in Troubled Teen Industry facilities. It is now time for action. Children continue to die and experience horrific abuse in TTI programs. Doing nothing is no longer an option.

Read more

The Sixth Sense Effect

I call it the “sixth sense effect”. Once you wake up to the realization that a relationship has been abusive, you replay the scenes of your life with that person (or people) through the lens of this newfound information and a growing understanding of what you lived through. It’s a splash of cold water in the face, for better and worse. Again and again, you go back through your memory and you see what now seems obvious–but was once desperately confusing and emotionally torturous for you. 

Read more

The Brave Women Behind The Keepers

It took me five years to get up the nerve to watch The Keepers.

I knew enough about the critically acclaimed 2017 docuseries, and the web of crimes it revealed, to understand how sad and rage-inducing I would find the events it follows. What I did NOT know was that by putting off watching this beautifully made and important story, I was missing out.

Read more

A Hero in Plain Sight

Kirsten wants you to know that her daughter, Annie, is a hero. That’s the real story, the one that doesn’t get told enough. Kirsten knows how kind and moral her daughter really is, contrary to the smear campaign against her. She remembers how courageously Annie took action to stand up for her mother and herself, even when it meant risking her own safety. Kirsten is here to set the record straight. And I’m telling their story for all the misunderstood and overlooked heroes among us.

Read more

Making Change from Inside

My advanced copy of CHOSEN: A Memoir of Stolen Boyhood arrived on my front stoop on a recent Friday afternoon. By Sunday morning I had read all 318 pages. I’d also filled the back of the book with tightly-packed, handwritten notes in an effort to capture the thoughts and emotions that bubbled up as I read Stephen Mills’ poignant account of surviving sexual abuse as a young teenager.

Read more

It’s Never Too Late

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

-Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

I love Mary’s question at the end of this poem. It comforts me and haunts me, reminding me both to slow down and speed up. To drink in the beauty and wonder of the fields and sky, while also striving to reach my goals. This is my everyday dilemma, the push and pull of being alive, aware, and driven.

Read more

Maddie & Me

“What do you have to lose?”, her partner asked.

Maddie Morris had been thinking about contacting me for a while. She wanted to say she’d been comforted by the podcast and my writing about “the second wound”. She might even offer to be a guest on the podcast, Truth & Consequences. But Maddie hadn’t decided. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to take the risk. That is, until her partner posed this question. 

Read more

No Room for Error – Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse

“They would never do that.”

These are dangerous words when spoken in response to concerns about potential sexual abusers. And yet, I regularly hear stories about people answering this way when confronted with someone who might pose a danger to children.

Read more

A Safe Way for Survivors to Stop Repeat Offenders

What if we lived in a world where victims of sexual assault, abuse, and harassment felt free to speak up? What if they were treated kindly, and almost always believed? What if perpetrators of these crimes were aggressively investigated and prosecuted on a consistent basis, their sentences reflecting the damage they inflict on survivors? What if we treated sexual violence survivors like victims of other crimes–especially those involving theft of money? 

The answer is easy. We would live in a world with fewer sexual crimes. And for those who still chose to perpetrate sexual violence, they would be caught far more quickly and easily.

Because victims would feel free to name offenders. 

Read more